Don't Bet On It
by Aurora Lenore
Summary: "You gotta know when to hold em...know when to fold em". When a poker game goes awry, Dobie, Maynard and Kate have to come to Chatsworth's rescue. But will they be able to save him before his poker buddies deal him out-permanently?
1. Exit, Stage Right!

**Disclaimer: Once again, I do not own any of these characters. I did, however, rent Kate for the weekend. I have to return her promptly by midnight Sunday or I face a late fee and my car turns back into a moldy pumpkin.**

"Now, this weekend, I want all of you to write a five-hundred word essay about George Orwell's _Animal Farm_. I want each of you to choose one of the Seven Commandments of Animalism and discuss how the law was changed and developed over time and your thoughts as to why," Mr. Pomfritt commanded the class right before the bell rang. "Class...dismissed."

As soon as the last word left his mouth, everyone in the class bolted as if the room were on fire. Well, almost everyone. Dobie Gillis, Maynard G. Krebs, Kate Osborne and her cousin, Chatsworth Osborne Jr., lagged behind.

"I can't believe it," Dobie declared in annoyance. "We have to write an essay about a ridiculous novel over the weekend."

"I'm like gonna write about the little spider," Maynard said as they left the room. "I thought it was like real cute that she wrote those words in her little web. Working day and night, night and day, like with her teeny little legs and tiny little body, spinning that web, all to save that cute little-"

Dobie cut him off. "Maynard! That's _Charlotte's Web_!"

"I'd rather write about _Charlotte's Web _than the creepy book we're reading. I was even afraid to eat my strips of bacon this morning for fear they'd try to dominate me," Kate shuddered. "Chatsworth, what about you?"

"I'm terribly sorry. What were we discussing?" he asked, absent-mindedly.

"Chatsworth, what's the matter with you? You've been acting like Maynard all day," Dobie pointed out. "No offense, Maynard."

"No offense, good buddy. But yeah, Chatsy; you don't look so good. Like you ain't coming down with something, are ya?"

Kate rolled her eyes. "I bet I know. You were out playing poker with those loony pals of yours late last night, weren't you?"

"Poker?! You play poker?" Dobie cried in disbelief. "My father would _kill _me if he caught me playing cards for money!"

"Well, of _course _he would, Dobie-Doo. Because you _have _no current currency to speak of," Chatsworth shot back.

Dobie opened his mouth to retort, but could only muster a sad "True."

"Well, Auntie Mumsy would be none too pleased if _she _knew about your hobby of choice, either," Kate reminded her wealthy cousin as they walked down the stairs of the school.

"Well, on another note, I'm really glad you've decided to stay in town for a while, Kate," Dobie smiled.

"Thanks, Dobie. Me, too. I really like this town. It's charming and peaceful and Auntie Mumsy said she likes having a young female around, considering Chatsworth never keeps any females around long," Kate teased. "Anyway, I asked my parents if I could stay and they hesitantly obliged."

"Yeah, like you told me they got all misty and had all your stuff sent that same day!" Maynard added.

"I see," Dobie grimaced, watching Kate turn a bright shade of crimson.

Suddenly, a burly teenage boy with dark curly hair stepped in front of them. "Chatsworth!"

Chatsworth looked up at the boy and his eyes flew open. "Why, Lucian! Whatever brings you to _this _side of town?" he asked somewhat nervously.

"You know _exactly_ why I'm here, Chatswit!" Lucian growled as another, equally muscular guy walked up beside him.

"Well, as much as I'd love to hear about it, I'm afraid I must dash off. Ta-ta!" Chatsworth replied quickly before spinning around and fleeing.

"Let's get him, Xavier!" Lucian exclaimed as they ran after him, nearly knocking Dobie and Maynard down.

"What was _that_ all about?" Dobie asked, running a hand through his dark blond hair.

"I don't know, but something tells me it can't be like good," Maynard replied.

"No. It can't be like good at _all_," Kate repeated softly before they took off after Chatsworth and the two thugs chasing him. "I can cut them off at the pass!"

Dobie and Maynard followed her through the shortcut to the park, hiding and watching while she waited for Chatsworth to pass. They watched still as Kate stepped into the path of Lucian and Xavier.

"Outta the way, little girl!" Lucian yelled as he and Xavier stopped.

"You guys looking for Chatsworth? He went _that _way!" she told them, pointing in the opposite direction of her cousin's selected path.

"Thanks," they nodded in unison before taking off.

"Wow. Like that was quick thinking, putting them on the wrong path," Maynard told her when the coast was clear. "I wonder what they wanted so bad with Chatsworth."

"I bet it has something to do with Chats' late-night poker games," Kate guessed. "Maybe they're sore losers."

"Maybe they're sore winners," Dobie supplied.

Maynard shrugged. "Maybe they're just sore. I know I am from like all that running."


	2. A Royal Confession

**Side Note: Only thing missing from this chapter is a priest and some holy water. Sadly, I couldn't afford, either. Nor am I Catholic. **

An hour later, the three of them met up with Chatsworth on the front lawn of Osborne Manor. When they reached him, he was doubled over, out of breath and sweating.

"Chatsworth?" Dobie asked, still in disbelief.

"Did you see them? Are they gone?" Chatsworth asked, frantically looking around.

"Yeah, they're like gone. Kate led them like in the wrong direction," Maynard confirmed.

"Thanks, Katie-Cuz," he smiled gratefully.

Kate folded her arms across her chest. "Chatsworth, who were those thugs that gave chase and what did they want?"

"Oh, that?" Chatsworth chuckled uneasily, with a casual wave of his hand. "Only just a friendly game of tag, that's all."

"Chatsworth, if that was a friendly game of tag, I'd hate to see them in an _unfriendly _game," Dobie challenged. "Now why don't you tell us what's _really _going on?"

Chatsworth sat down on a marble bench defeatedly. "Oh, alright. Lucian and Xavier-the two 'thugs' that you speak of-were brothers with whom I played poker last night."

"I _knew _it!" Kate exclaimed. "I take it you lost, but how _much _did you lose or what caused you to be so _petrified_ of them?"

"Other than their height," Maynard said. "Not to mention their enormous muscles and their beady little eyes and the fact they looked like they wanted to like string you up by your toes and like use your body as a punching bag."

"Maynard, we get the point!" Dobie cried before turning back to Chatsworth. "Continue."

"Well, it wasn't a matter of money I lost per se, but something else. You see, Lucian decided to up the ante a tad. Instead of betting cash, he wanted something of great value. So I came up with a worthy valuable that no one else could offer. Only it wasn't mine," Chatsworth explained.

Kate took a menacing step towards him. "If you bet something of mine, buster, you had better hope-"

"It's not something of _yours_, my dear Kate. The valuable is of Mumsy's."

"You bet something that belongs to Mrs. Chatsworth Osborne Sr.?" Dobie asked, unable to hide his shock.

"Well? What is it? Surely whatever it is, we can find another of," Kate told him.

"It is Mumsy's sterling silver and topaz brooch, signed and given to her by the Queen of England, herself," Chatsworth stated miserably.

As soon as the words left his mouth, Kate began to choke. "Auntie...cough...Mumsy's...cough..._brooch_?"

Maynard gently slapped Kate on the back. "What a low-down rotten thing to do, Chatsy." He then turned to Dobie. "Dobe, what's a brooch?"

Dobie gave him an irritated look before replying. "Maynard, a brooch is like a decorative pin that you attach to clothing. You've seen the butterfly brooch that my mother wears on the lapel of her Sunday morning jacket."

"Oh, yeah!" Maynard recalled. "What a low-down rotten thing to do, Chatsy."

"Yeah. Your mother is going to blow her top when she finds out you bet her one-of-a-kind brooch!" Dobie barked.

"And _that's _why they are after you like mad hornets. You never gave it to them," Kate guessed. "Chatsworth, what are you going to _do_?"

Suddenly, Chatsworth shot up, grabbing Dobie's arms desperately. "Please, Dobie-Doo; Krebs baby; Katie-Cuz! You three _have _to help me! I am in dire need of support! I'll do whatever you chaps want: free sundaes and malts for a year, all the jazz records your heart desires, tickets to the Bijou for life!"

"Now wait just a darned minute, Chatsworth!" Dobie backed away from him. "Why should we _help_ you? You know better than to gamble; it just leads to trouble. And besides, what have you done for _us_?"

"Other than be a low-down, rotten creep. No offense," Maynard added.

"No offense," Chatsworth repeated. "Guys, whatever your hearts desire, I shall make it so. But I am totally and completely despondant!"

Kate sighed. "Fine. We'll help you."

Dobie looked at her. "We _will_?"

Maynard did the same. "We _will_?"

"We _will_." Kate nodded. "But _only _if you promise right here and now that you will stop gambling! No more poker nights, no more betting on horse races, nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zero."

Chatsworth looked as if he might cry with relief. "Oh, you have my most sincere promise. From this point forward, I, Chatsworth Osborne Jr., will forever refrain from any form of gambling toute hâte."

Kate, Maynard and Dobie looked at him amd nodded. "Good."


	3. Make It Or Break It

"Hey, Dobe?" Maynard asked as they sat inside his bedroom.

"Yeah, Maynard?"

"Like, how are we supposed to help Chatsy out of his jam again? Kate was talkin', but like I wasn't listenin'."

"Maynard, Kate is coming back here with some supplies and you and I are going to help Chatsworth by _making _another brooch," Dobie explained.

Maynard grimaced. "You and me? _Make _one? Like how we gonna do _that_, Dobe? We don't even know what the _real _one looks like!"

"Hey, guys. I brought all the supplies including a photo of the original," Kate entered the room, carrying a box. "Maynard, your parents seem very nice, but I think they were a little surprised to see me."

Dobie turned to her from his seat at the foot of Maynard's bed. "How so?"

"Mr. Krebs kept repeating, 'You're a girl! An actual girl!'," Kate replied with a shrug. "Okay, I have the blue topaz stone, the faux silver platform, the pin to glue to the back of it and there should be a gold marker. Try to sign it as neatly as you can. I took some photos of the original so you can get the idea."

"I can't believe we're doing all of this work for _Chatsworth_," Dobie sighed.

"Yeah. It does sound like a lot of work...WORK!" Maynard repeated before crying out the last word almost like a hiccup.

"Maynard, cut that out!" Dobie warned.

Kate looked at her watch. "Oh, I simply must get back to the mansion in time for Auntie Mumsy's tea party. Oh, and Dobie? There is also a tape recorder in the box that I had to borrow from your father regarding a project. Can you make sure you give it back to him? He was really nice about lending it to me, but I really do have to go. Good luck, guys! I will see you later!"

"Sure, Kate; bye!"

"Like, bye, rich girl!"

"Well, let's get to work, Maynard," Dobie nodded as soon as she left.

"WORK!" Maynard cried out again, not daring to look at Dobie as they took out the supplies.

"Oh, come on Maynard. Surely it can't be _that _difficult to replicate Mrs. Osborne Sr.'s brooch!" Dobie scoffed as he opened the glue.

* * *

"Relplicate Mumsy's brooch! Have you completely lost your _senses_, dear Cousin of mine?" Chatsworth shot up from his chair as they waited for Mrs. Osborne Sr.

"Shh!" Kate hissed, pulling him back down. "Do you want her to _hear _you? And I know it sounds like a crazy idea, but it's all I've got. Any other choice would lead to your _doom_; either by Lucian and Xavier or by Auntie Mumsy."

"Oh, I suppose you're right," Chatsworth whined.

"I _am _right," Kate confirmed. "And sit up straight. You know how Auntie Mumsy hates it when you slouch. It unnerves her. And with everything that is going on, we most certainly don't want that."

Chatsworth instantly sat up as straight as a board. "Right you are, Katie-Cuz."

Suddenly, Trembley appeared, looking as bored and unamused as usual. "Telephone call for you, sir."

"Maybe it's Dobie," Kate whispered as Chatsworth stood up.

Chatsworth followed Trembley to the foyer where one of their twelve telephones were and picked it up. "This is Chatsworth speaking," he said with a hopeful smile.

"Hiya, Chinsworth," came the mocking reply on the other end. "Meet me and Xavier tonight at eight o'clock-alone-in the park by that thinking statue. Bring the brooch, or else my brother and me are gonna mess up that pretty boy face of yours. You get what I'm saying?"

Chatsworth gulped. "O-of course. I-I wouldn't _dream _of being anywhere else."

"Good. Because if you don't deliver the brooch, me and Xavier are gonna grab you by your arm and-"

Chatsworth quickly grabbed a wrapper from the nearby crystal candy dish and began crinkling it against the phone's receiver. "Um, hello? H-hello? It seems we have a terribly deficient connection!" he called over the loud noise before quickly hanging up the phone and wiping the sweat from his brow. "Oh, mice and rats. I cannot fathom how it has come to this. I'm not certain which is worse: being ripped to shreds by those hoodlums or putting my fate in the hands of Dobie Gillis and Maynard G. Krebs!"


	4. A-brooch-ing Disaster

**Side Note: Oh, this chapter was so much fun to write, it should be illegal. ****_Should _****being the key word. **

After the tea and cakes with Mumsy, Chatsworth informed Kate of the phone call he had received from Lucian. In turn, Kate called Maynard to tell him and Dobie to meet them in the park around six o'clock with the artificial brooch. Kate sadly tried everything she knew to calm Chatsworth down, but it was no use. Her cousin was simply wound tighter than a spool of thread.

"Chats, for the last time; stop pacing!" she cried out as they waited in the park at a quarter til six.

"I cannot help myself, Katie-Cuz; I am petrified and rightfully so. I wish to keep my majestic head attached to my broad shoulders."

"Good thing you're so modest," Kate muttered under her breath before grabbing his arms to keep him still. "No one is going to lose their head over this! Now-"

"Um, hi guys," Dobie's voice came from behind, causing Chatsworth to jump and cry out in fright.

"Dobie-Doo! If you could refrain from slinking behind me, I would much appreciate it. For all I know, you could have been that no-good, worthless, ragged sort that-"

"You rang?" Maynard asked as he appeared.

"Do you have the man-made project?" Kate asked with a no-nonsense tone.

Dobie handed her a black velvet box. "Right here. It might not be perfect, but it was the best we could do."

"I'm sure it looks gr-," Kate began, opening up the box to observe the cheap craft. Like Dobie had claimed, it wasn't perfect. Not even close. The blue topaz stone was crooked and dried glue was exposed on both sides, as well as from the crooked pin on the back. Thankfully, the signature was the most decent thing about the eyesore, except the word 'queen' was spelled 'qween'. "Great googly-mooglies!"

"Hey, Dobe! She gave our artwork like a googly _and _mooglies!" Maynard said proudly.

"Well, what's wrong with it?" Dobie asked, somewhat annoyed as Chatsworth snatched the box from Kate's hand.

"E-gad!" Chatsworth gasped in horror. "T-this will _never _do! I've seen better artwork from the likes of _children_!"

"Now, just a minute; just a darned minute! Maynard and I did the best we could! Maybe it won't win a _prize_ or anything, but cut us some slack, will ya?" Dobie shouted, his face turning red.

Kate looked up at Dobie and Maynard and gave them a bittersweet smile. "You boys did a good thing for Chatsworth. We thank you. I just don't know if it is going to fool the likes of Lucian and his brother."

"Oh, why was I cursed with such bad luck? Why, why, _why_?" Chatsworth whined.

Dobie seethed. "Like you could have done any better!"

Kate closed the box, not daring to look at it. "It will have to do, Chatsworth. It's the only idea we have at the moment. Just try to stall for as long as you can, okay? Perhaps I can come up with something else."

"Yeah, Chatsworth. Maybe Kate can come up with another idea to get you outta this mess," Dobie offered.

"Cause if she don't, it's like bye-bye, Chatsy!" Maynard added.

Dobie, Kate and Chatsworth looked at him. "Maynard!" they cried in unison.

"Just holding up my end of the conversation," Maynard replied with a shrug. "But like just in case, can I have your wi-fi stereo?"

"Maynard, enough!" Dobie warned. "Chatsworth, you'll be fine. Just try to hold off on giving them the brooch as long as you can. Then if you have to give it to them, you have another option."

"What pray tell is _that_, Dobie-Doo?"

"Run like the dickens," Dobie answered.

Chatsworth rolled his eyes. "Gee, thanks, compadres. However, I will keep that concept in mind." He then looked at his watch. "Come along, Katie-Cuz. It is time for us to head back to the manor and await my impending doom."

As soon as Chatsworth was out of earshot, Dobie looked down at her. "So, what exactly are you going to do?"

Kate swallowed hard. "You heard him. Head back to the manor and await his impending doom."

* * *

Dobie sat alone inside Charlie Wong's Ice Cream Parlor, drowning his sorrows in a root beer float. He had sent Maynard home, much to Maynard's dismay. His friend had suggested going to the movies, hanging out at Riff's Record Shop and even going down to watch the puppies and kittens in the window of the pet store. But Dobie felt too miserable to have fun. He hated knowing that he had let his friends down when they depended on him. Poor Chatsworth, as annoying and snooty as he could be, didn't deserve the pounding he was going to get from Lucian and Xavier. "Why'd he have to bet a stupid brooch to begin with!" he muttered, kicking the barstool.

Suddenly, his foot hit something else beside the stool. Looking down, he saw the box Kate had brought with his dad's tape recorder inside. He _knew _there was something else he needed to do. Handing Charlie the money for the float, he hopped off the stool and grabbed the box. At least maybe he could return his dad's recorder without botching it up. As he exited, he decided that the shortest route would be to cut through the park again. As he was walking, he accidentally tripped on a rock. He managed to catch himself before he fell, but grabbed at the box awkwardly, jarring the equipment slightly. "Way to go, Gillis," he grumbled, dampering his mood even further.

"So, you ready to meet Chatsworthless?" a voice in the distance asked.

"Yep. I can't wait to take that brooch from his stingy little hands and sell it! Who knows _how _much money a thing like that's worth?" another voice answered.

Dobie tip-toed behind the bushes and saw that it was none other than Lucian and Xavier! Telling himself that he was braver than he felt, he decided to listen to what they were saying.

"And the best part is, Chatsworth has no clue that we were cheating the whole time! For a rich guy, he ain't all that smart!"

"In about twenty minutes, Xavier, we will be sitting pretty and Chatsworth won't know that he would've won had we not been playing with a trick deck!" Lucian chuckled maniacally.

"Even after he gives us the brooch, we still gonna rough him up, right, Lucian?"

Lucian laughed even harder. "You bet!"

Dobie's jaw dropped. So _that's _how they were able to take Chatsworth's mother's brooch! "I gotta find Kate; and _fast_!" Dobie whispered before running through the park as fast as his shaking legs could carry him.


	5. Stacking the Deck

**Side Note: Although this was never mentioned in the story, Lucian and Xavier DO have a last name. Keeping in tradition with the series of peculiar names, they are Lucian and Xavier Pittibow. Ours is not to reason why, but I WILL tell you there is a hidden Whose Line Is It Anyway reference.**

When Chatsworth arrived near the statue at the park, the cool, crisp air sent shivers down his spine. Of course, his spine was already quivering from nerves as he clutched the box with the fake brooch. He had been dreading this moment all day, but now he just wanted to get it over with. Even if it meant terrible things for him. Before he left the manor, he had left a note for Kate stating that she was to look after Mumsy after his premature death. He wrote that Maynard could have his hi-fi stereo, per his request. He also noted Dobie would be in charge of the Chatsworth Osborne Jr. memorial statue that would be placed in front of the school. "I just hope that there shan't be any massive bloodshed or that I die a slow and painful death," he told the Thinker statue. "That is my final request."

"Who are you talking to, Chats-a-roo?"

Chatsworth looked up and saw Lucian and Xavier walking towards him, a sneer on both their faces. "Good evening, gentlemen!" he exclaimed, hoping _his _smile overshadowed the terror in his eyes.

"So?" Xavier asked. "Where is it?"

"Yeah. We made a deal. You give us the brooch or we give you pain," Lucian added.

"Before I give you the brooch, dear chaps, I'd like to inform you that it most certainly is one-of-a-kind. Perhaps I could indulge you on the story behind it? It's rather intruiging, if I do say so myself."

"We don't want to hear a story, you fool! We want what we _came _for!" Lucian literally growled.

"Alright, alright, gents. No need to become vicious." Heart in his mouth, he slowly opened his fist to reveal the box. He only hoped they took it without opening it.

No such luck. Xavier snatched it and immediately opened it. "Finally, we-"

"This is _it_?" Lucian asked, picking it up and holding it.

Chatsworth gulped and tried to act shocked. "How dare you insult a gift from the Queen!"

Lucian grabbed Chatsworth by the lapels of his tweed jacket and jerked him off his feet, his face inches from theirs. "What kind of idiots do you take us for? This was made with kiddie glue! And the word 'queen' is spelled wrong. Everyone knows it begins with a 'k'!"

Chatsworth winced and sweat formed on his upper lip. "Guys, I can explain-"

Xavier rared back his fist. "Explain _this_!"

"Unhand my cousin this instant, you overgrown nit-wits!" a voice called out brazenly.

Xavier looked over, distracted. "What do _you _want?"

Chatsworth thought his heart would explode with joy as Kate emerged along with Dobie.

"You leave him alone or you are going to have _me _to deal with!" Kate threatened, arms crossed over her chest.

Lucian dropped Chatsworth and turned to her and Dobie. "I don't think the lady knows who she is _talking _to!"

"I'm talking to two thugs who will never get their paws on the real brooch. You two _cheated_ at the poker game!"

Xavier threw back his head and laughed. "Says who? You don't have any proof."

Kate gleamed. "Wanna _bet_? Play the recorder, Dobie."

Shaking, Dobie pressed the playback button on the recorder.

"'And the best part is, Chatsworth has no clue that we were cheating the whole time! For a rich guy, he ain't all that smart'," Xavier's voice came through the speaker.

"'In about twenty minutes, Xavier, we will be sitting pretty and Chatsworth won't know that he would have won had we not been playing with a trick deck!'"

Dobie stopped the recording and somewhat hid behind Kate as Xavier and Lucian looked both mortified and furious.

"You were _spying _on us?" Lucian barked.

"N-not intentionally. You see, I was on my way to give this recorder back to my father. Just before I got to the park, I tripped. Somehow, I must've accidentally pressed the record button. That's when I heard you talking," Dobie explained hesitantly.

"So unless you want to get in a heap of trouble, I suggest you leave Chatsworth alone and pay him back every single penny you owe him. Even if he'd never miss it," Kate finished.

Xavier looked at Lucian. "I think we better do what she says. Ma will have a _fit _if she finds out. Not to mention, I don't really feel I'd do well in the pokey."

Lucian grumbled. "Fine!" He then turned to Chatsworth. "You may have had your friends come to your rescue _this _time, but you ain't seen the last of us!"

"Oh, off with the both of you! No one scams an Osborne and gets away with it!" Chatsworth declared, puffing his chest out.

Still grumbling, both Lucian and Xavier walked away, heads down and shoulders slumped.

As soon as they were gone, Chatsworth nearly fainted. "That was rather intense, if I say so myself. Many thanks to you both for coming to my rescue."

Kate smiled. "It was all Dobie. His clumsiness managed to save the day. Who knew?"

"Yeah. Who knew?" Dobie repeated uneasily.

"Well, regardless, I owe a debt of gratitude. Not even my Jujitsu training could have saved me from the likes of those hoodlums."

Dobie smiled. "Glad to help, Chatsworth."

"So no more gambling, right?" Kate asked, giving her cousin a warning look.

"You have my word as an Osborne. I'd much rather stick to gaming of my echelon: tennis, croquet, cricket and the always enjoyable polo!" he vowed before swinging his arm and making a sound of a polo stick hitting a ball.

"You big kook," Kate giggled as Chatsworth put his arms around Dobie and Kate.

"Now, we just need to return this recorder to my father. I'm sure he's been wondering where it's at," Dobie said.

Kate grinned. "I doubt he'll be too sore. But perhaps we should still a-brooch the subject carefully."

With that, the three of them laughed and left the park, happy to have saved Chatsworth's mother's brooch. And who knew? Tonight it was a brooch, but perhaps tomorrow, they could save the world. After they finished their homework, that is.

THE END


End file.
